Confessions of a Cynic

I’m cynical. A cynic. Heart-of-stone type.

I see young couples “in love” and say to myself, it won’t last (note how I even put in love in quotations). I see young friends getting engaged and say, they have no idea what they’re getting into. I see young women pregnant and think, wow their life is over.

If there was a DSM-IV diagnosis for Cynic Disorder I’m sure I would meet three or more of the following criteria:

1. Inability to feel happy for others when it would be socially appropriate to be
2. Distinct annoyance when around newly engaged young individuals
3. Excessive rude thoughts towards young parents who seem to think having a baby will be fun and romantic
4. Marked rolling of eyes around young couples who are “in love”
5. Significant judging of young people who claim to have found “the one”
6. Loss of excitement for relationship updates of facebook friends to “engaged”

I have no idea why I’m so cynical. Where did it come from, when did it all start? Because not so long ago I was the young woman “in love,” getting engaged and married.

The most confusing part about trying to comprehend my cynicism is that I’m pretty happy. Happily married and enjoying life. So why do I roll my eyes at facebook pictures of barely-adult kids grinning from ear to ear, showing off an engagement ring? Why can’t I simply smile and feel happy for them.

Maybe it’s because I’m just an evil person without a heart who hates seeing other people happy. Well, probably not.

Maybe it’s because I’m secretly very unhappy with my life and am a shriveled and miserable person on the inside. Ummmm, no.

Maybe it’s because I’m afraid for them. Because I have witnessed firsthand how hard it is to make a marriage work. Because I’ve experienced how much young people change in their early twenties. Because having children young is not fun or romantic most days. Because I have seen too many friends have their marriages crumble around them, leaving them broken and hurting. Because the feeling we call “in love” is a temporary state that your brain does not stay in forever. Because I know being only 100% committed is not enough to make it. Because true love requires daily choices and sacrifices that sadly most are just not willing to make.

Or maybe I’ve grown cynical for another reason I have yet to discover.

Whatever the reason, whether it be a good one or not, I’m tired of being cynical, of seeing the world through grey-tinted glasses. And although it’s not always the most obvious, I want to see the exceptions: the couples that make to their 75^th wedding anniversary still full of love, the young lovers who stick it through, the young moms who become great inspirations. Now, I don’t want rose-coloured glasses either—those are just as bad in my opinion. Give me regular old glasses, please. I could seriously use a change in perspective.