Yes, this is literally how it appears in the dictionary. Doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure this one out, right? Self-care: Just, you know… take care… of yourself… Easy enough. Uh, ya, in theory. In theory, self-care means you do things that energize you, refresh, and relax you. It means taking time out for yourself. No “shoulds,” no deadlines, no stress.
I have recently been reflecting on the nature and value of self-care and the fact that it is almost never as straight forward and simple as it I often think it should be. It's less of a science and more of an art.
You see, self-care is a challenge for me and this summer has been difficult. My schedule has relaxed, I have only three classes and an internship, leaving me with more free time than I’ve had in years. Most “normal” people would be thrilled: time to relax! I, however, am not normal (no surprise there). I capital “h” Hate free time! Throw me a 70 hour work week, early mornings, late nights, hours of reading and homework, and very little free time and I become a real-life superhero. I thrive on the time crunch and energy of semi-controlled chaos. After all, if there’s no time to rest, there’s no time to just “be.” “Just being” is hard, uncomfortable even.
My usual state of constant stress and movement is beginning to catch up with me. Stress causes the release of hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. These give us the power boost we need in those fight-or-flight moments. However, we are not meant to exist in this state for very long.Usually whatever crisis causes this hormone surge (cave man being chased by lion or grad student writing an exam) will pass, our bodies return to pre-crisis mode. This is where self-care comes in: this aids the body in relaxing and returning to normal.
This is easier for some than others. And to put it bluntly: I suck at self-care. I’ve grown so accustomed to the stressed-to-the-max state that I’m “just being”-impaired. When our bodies don’t have a chance to return to that relaxed state bad things start to happen: decreased immune system, trouble sleeping, aches and pains, and risk of depression and anxiety. Any of these sound familiar?
But in hopes of becoming a more self-aware, self-accepting, self-liking person, the person I want to be, my journey continues. My next step involves developing a better self-care plan. My recent reflections have led me to discover that there are different levels or layers of self-care.Each layer plays a different role and should ideally take up a certain amount of time.
Layer 1. This is the lowest level of self-care. Although it is at the top of the pyramid, notice that it is the smallest piece. These are things I do to help me veg. For me, this includes things like surfing the net, watching tv and movies by myself, or snacking. These are important, but they do not leave me feeling energized. A healthy role of this level for me is helping me unwind for a few minutes after school/work and before bed. My goal would be to keep this to a maximum of one hour per day. This could also include shopping, smoking, having a glass of wine, or gambling; things that provide an immediate sense of wellbeing, but leave you unfulfilled in the long run. The key to this level is small, controlled doses.
Layer 2. This level consists of the little things you do for yourself that bring you life. For me, this level includes: kayaking, walking, aromatherapy, doing a progressive muscle relaxation, treating myself to a leisurely starbucks, hot yoga, getting a massage, blogging, taking a nap, playing badminton, painting, or getting my hair done. These relieve my stress and help me feel relaxed and energized. My ideal number of these would be two or three a week, even if its something small.
Layer 3. This level to me is foundational to mental health (and thus on the bottom of the pyramid). For me, this ideally includes eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, taking vitamins, exercising regularly, being spiritually active, volunteering, and connecting with friends and my family. This should make up the largest portion of self-care; these are things we do everyday for our own physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional health.
Sadly, lately my life has looked more like this: inverted.
Most of my self-care has been “layer 1,” with very little “layer 2 and 3.” There's been too much TV, not enough exercise, and a whole lot of feeling just plain worn out. Time to make some serious changes. And not because I "should," but because I deserve it.
How is your personal self-care going? Do some of your layers need to be expanded? Take some time to reflect, and then treat yourself today to some self-care. Because you, my friend, deserve it too!
Self-care can be really tough! I think the hardest part for me is that nagging feeling that I should be doing something productive. This nagging feeling always comes with a sense of guilt that niggles at the back of my mind. I think I just need to learn to relax and tell my mind to be quiet!!
ReplyDeleteOh and a tall, nonfat, iced, chai tea latte doesn't hurt!
I can relate to Kat in a way, that when I do sit or do "nothing" there is that guilt that sets in, that there should be something that I should be doing to make good use of my time. To get over this guilt, I often try to focus on the purpose of resting, then I realize that I am making good use of my time by relaxing and taking a rest. I can see now how dangerous this guilty feeling is because it tricks me into thinking that rest isn't useful. I need rest to be able to re-energize to make a difference in my work. I am beginning to see the wonderful value and blessing of a Sabbath day, and seriously trying to be obedient to the Lord in keeping the Sabbath; recognizing that it blesses all other areas of my life. My worship, husband, children and friends.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyable reading Jen! Well said! We do need to look after ourselves in many ways! Having a Sabbath day is so good for us as Alaina has said!!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good writing!
I was multi-tasking this afternoon: eating lunch, processing a meeting I just had, and then I remembered an email you sent me with your latest post (this one!), so I read this as well. I thought about commenting... which was quickly swept away by the thought that "I don't have time" and why would I want others to see my thoughts on this... that's too vulnerable and external to my self-reflective, introverted self. So on my way back from grabbing a napkin to wipe up the soup I spilled, before getting on to my next task I was convicted to stop, reflect, and comment. It would have been so much easier to read your post about self-care, smile (and chuckle a bit) and nod in agreement, and then continue on my normal fast paced schedule of "to dos".
ReplyDeleteI completely share in the love and comfort of a busy schedule. I have been conditioned to thrive on time-crunches, deadlines, and juggling many things on my plate. To be honest, I think I even do a not bad job at self-care - simply put, I schedule it in... it's just another thing to do and unfortunately it's not as life-giving as it could or is meant to be. I think it's one thing to check off the boxes of Levels 1-3 and it's another thing to fully embrace them, allowing them to penetrate the parts of ourselves that need it the most. This enters the territory of the art of self-care rather than the science. I like this Jen. This is something I am still working on and learning. Like you, I find it challenging to "just be" and I think at the heart of self-care is this ability to "just be". This for me is a continued process. So, when I am on vacation next week my motto will be... "just be... I deserve it"!
Thanks for your insights and reflections Jen!